Today was that day. When the emotional meltdown finally overthrew my emotional stability and left me on the couch crying my eyes out… for no specific reason and yet for every reason under the sun.
I found myself praying, crying, and trying to figure out when and how I had become overwhelmed. That’s when I heard the ever so soft whisper- you’ve been away from me. What?? I was just singing worship music this morning. Do you not remember our time in prayer this week (although it has felt off recently)? How have I been away? Yes, He whispered, I remember and those are all precious moments that you fit in, but when was the last time you intentionally started your day with me?
Now if you know me at all, you know I like to be right. And I was pretty confident with my odds prior to that question. But now all bets were off… it was time to fold. It had been over a week. (In my defense I was on a trip part of that time- and I did take my Bible. I just forgot to open it, lol.)
But isn’t this the real battle we all face? It isn’t about believing or even our sin and circumstances. It’s about priority. My circumstances had not changed during the past ten days. My actions had. I had allowed myself to become absorbed with reality. Completely unaware that I was losing sight of my spirituality. I was suddenly back walking in religion and not relationship. Going through the motions but not connecting with the Father. You see the actions of prayer and singing get me no where without the presence and intake of truth. For it’s in those moments of intentional surrender when His strength, love and promises are truly revealed.
Yet, it was never my intent to “walk away”. But the struggle is real! Whether I am fighting a battle, walking in peace, or knee deep in war doesn’t matter. Life can still swoop in, distract me and claim a battle Medal of Honor. But God loves me far too much to walk away in defeat. His pursuit of my heart will always remind me that the power of His word when present in my daily walk is enough to win the war. And the same is true for you!!