Crying in the Dark

Here’s the thing.  I know that everyone has problems.  Heck, even the most perfect person that ever walked the face of this earth had problems.  So if He couldn’t avoid them I KNOW no one else can.  It just seems most people don’t want others to know about the crap they are walking through.  They are always smiling and seem to always have it all together.  And from the outside, their life appears highly favored financially, spiritually, and physically.

Since most are playing this game of don’t show don’t tell it’s made out as not that big of an issue.  Unless you are that person without a close network of friends (ones you can share with).  And then the game of don’t show don’t tell leaves you feeling lonely and isolated.  You know as a Christian I often hear about letting your light shine and showing others the glory, love and joy that comes with following Christ.  And I think that’s extremely important.  But what I wish… in today’s world more than ever is that we would also let our tribulations shine some too.  I wish that more people would stop trying to be bigger, better, and more together than the next guy because the reality is life is HARD and we are all going through something.  And giving your life to God is not going to magically make all the pain, heartache and suffering go away.  Despite what some may believe.  You see Jesus IS our savior, but not from the crap of life.  He is our savior from an eternity in hell.  And until we shout that from the top of our voices there will still be those who believe that once they accept Christ they are no longer allowed to appear broken.  They will laugh and smile with others and then go home and silently cry in the dark.  How do I know?  Because I was one.  I was a master at crying in the dark.

You see I’ve experienced my fair share of abuse, ridicule, and brokenness.  It would wear on me and make me feel alone and unhappy.  Usually it started with a trigger from someone that appeared to have it all together and then all of a sudden I would find myself spiraling down into the “woe is me” pity party.  And as soon as satan saw the train he hopped on board and threw in a few memories from the past to really get the party started right.  But thank goodness while sitting in that darkness I found my best friend; the truth behind my happiness.  Many don’t.

So now when you see me smiling, laughing and enjoying life it’s not because all is perfect.  It’s because when I go into the dark to cry, God meets me there and He shines His beautiful light into my darkness.  He holds me through the pain and He never let’s go.  Once when it was really bad, He placed Joshua 1:9 on my spirit. “Have I not commanded you, be strong and courageous.  Do not be discouraged, do not be dismayed.  For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”  Today, that is my life verse.  I lean on it when I have decisions, when I am overwhelmed with joy, and most importantly when life is hard.    And it does still get hard sometimes.  But even though I may still cry in the dark, I am learning to share my pain so that others will know they are not alone.  So that I am reminded I am not alone.  So that others can find the truth for their happiness.  And so as a world we can one day hopefully bring life’s darkest moments into the light.

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