Trusting Him

When I made the decision to follow my dreams and become a writer I had grand plans.  It was so easy to come up with ideas for stories.  I literally had five book concepts within the first week.  And when I published the first novel I felt so accomplished.  I had proven to myself I could do it despite all the naysayers.  But even with that I knew something wasn’t right.  Something was definitely off.

It was like this unsettling feeling that wouldn’t go away.  “Write for God”, I would sense or “Will that help bring people to Him?  Is this talent about your or about what you can do for Him?”  It was pretty persistent too.  But I have to be honest, despite the urges and unsettling feelings I wasn’t hearing it.

I mean you have to understand.  I associate with a lot of non-practicing believers.  I say non-practicing because they believe in God, just not all the “extras” that go with believing.  You know…  going to church, reading the bible, etc.  But they do believe there is a God.  So for me to devote my writing and speaking career to that alone…  That’s really insane!  And, I didn’t know what they would think of me.  Even more, I guess I wanted them to be proud of me and I knew “Jesus books” wouldn’t do that; only books that they would read and enjoy.  So I brushed off the feeling.  And in doing so, it seems I may have brushed off the career for a while too.

But I’ve been thinking a lot about why I feel called to write.  So it’s time for a change.  Gone are the days of women fiction.  That’s not my passion.  My passion is for Christ.  Period.  And that’s where I want to be in everything I do.  With Christ.  Including my writing.  So, I am jumping off the ledge.  I am letting go of all the fears of judgment.  And I am trusting Him to not let me fall.

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